Matthew's Mattress Rant
“Let‘s talk about George Washington‘s birthday which really is today. They call it Presidents‘ Day. That‘s for the mattress sales. The real name, the legal name is George Washington‘s Birthday which I will honor here…Because one reason people have no memory of our past presidents is they are not honored in this country. They are forgotten. People think Clinton was a better president than FDR…excuse me! That doesn‘t make sense… In fact, at home here, my morale goes down when our mind is so warped about this stuff about Britney Spears that people think that Bill Clinton was a better than FDR. They can‘t remember any of our presidents because we have holidays called “Presidents‘ Day” so we can sell mattresses because they don‘t want to offend anyone by mentioning the fact that George Washington was our first president…There is sort of a dementalization of this country sometimes I think.”
“Why don‘t we have Washington‘s Birthday? That is the name of it. Nobody will call it that… But [we] should not be encouraging infantilism at home. Infantilism. This is where we‘re headed, isn‘t it? Did you read that last poll on who our greatest presidents were? It is like people have Alzheimer‘s. They can‘t go back more than five presidents. They can‘t remember any of our presidents because we never teach history in this country. All we do is put nonsense on…Washington‘s birthday, once to honor George Washington, now rendered meaningless by this term, ‘Presidents Day.’”
“But here it is Washington‘s birthday, which legally it is… I will go right to the heart of today, Presidents Day is mattress sale day. Why we don‘t call it what it really is, George Washington‘s birthday, is part of this sort of, I don‘t know, retreat from history, retreat from knowledge. Let‘s have another Anna Nicole Smith Day… but I cannot believe that we call this day Presidents Day. What a stupid, meaningless term. Do you want to pay tribute to most of our presidents? I don‘t want to. I would love to pay tribute to Washington and Jefferson and Lincoln. But not presidents…why do we have a celebration of nothingness? Why don‘t we have Congress Day? A Supreme Court Day? You know, I don‘t know what else? Army Corps of Engineers Day. I mean, let‘s go all the way with it…having Friday off, not Monday off, because when you get Friday off it‘s a big weekend. When you get a Monday off, it is just another day to think about the week that is coming and it doesn‘t make you any happier. Give me a Friday off...It’s just my rant today. It‘s a federal holiday.”
Guest Craig Crawford was finally given a chance to speak: “I guess you don‘t need a new mattress is what it comes down to?”